Tandem breastfeeding... I first heard of this term from the internet while reading about breastfeeding when I had my first child. I had never imagined that two children of different ages might breastfeed from the same woman without either being weaned earlier. Little did I realise that a few years later I would be tandem nursing my children Liam and Kira, or what a gift it would be!

Our tandem nursing experience was born out of wanting to let our children self-wean from the breast. Before having children, I had heard of mothers nursing their child of 3 to 5 years or older, and quite frankly, I thought it was weird. Through my reading, I learnt that the natural age of weaning for most children should be between 2½ to 7 years. Allowing children to wean themselves was a gentler, more natural approach to parenting, and consistent with raising loving, trusting and confident children. We decided we would let Liam and Kira determine for themselves when they were ready to end the breastfeeding relationship, without any external pressure from myself or anyone else. Initially, when Liam was born I had told myself that if I could make it to 6 weeks of breastfeeding I would be happy. Now, over 6 years later, my son and I have had a wonderful breastfeeding adventure, including a tandem nursing relationship with his “Mei Mei”.

Liam was always an avid nurser, particularly at night because of my full-time work. As is typical of breastfeeding pairs where the mother works away from home, he did reverse cycle nursing to make up for lost time during the day. For the first year, he nursed 2 hourly throughout the night, so I quickly learnt to nurse him lying down without disturbing my own sleep – we could latch on and nurse without either of us really waking up. By 29 months he stopped nursing in the night of his own accord, and I became pregnant with Kira. This leads me to one of the great benefits of continuing breastfeeding - that my menses stayed away due to the breastfeeding hormones (technically referred to as lactational amenorrhea). Although I knew Kira's EDD from charting my ovulation, it was rather amusing to see the nurses' faces when they asked me for my last menstrual period, and I answered "over 3 years ago"!

Breastfeeding through pregnancy presented a few challenges. The main ones were sore nipples and a decrease in the milk supply due to the pregnancy hormones. To help the sore nipples, I made sure Liam latched on very carefully and correctly, taking in a lot of areola and 'by-passing' the nipple. At times, we agreed to limit the nursing session (in our case, I would sing the alphabet song, and we'd agreed he would finish nursing at the end of the song). If not, I often became 'antsy' or agitated. Like many mothers breastfeeding through pregnancy, I found the nipple soreness eased after the first trimester. I also experienced bad morning sickness and other pregnancy discomforts, but the breastfeeding was one sure way for me to entertain an active 2 yr old, know that he was out of harms’ way, AND lie down with my eyes closed at the same time. This was a big benefit to me, especially when I felt so ill that even reading a book to him was too great an effort!

When Kira was born, Liam at 3 years and 2 months seemed huge in comparison, but I saw that breastfeeding was still a very basic need for him. I believe that tandem nursing helped ease the transition of a new sibling for him, and set a foundation for their close relationship. Initially I was very careful to ensure Kira had lots of colostrum and a good intake of milk. After a while I relaxed more and just went with the flow. Sometimes I would nurse them at the same time, other times either would nurse on their own.

I am convinced that tandem nursing reduced sibling rivalry, and many other mothers who have tandem nursed agree. It has taught my children to share and think of each other, and reassured them that Mummy loves them both. It also gave them something special that they had in common. I loved watching the two of them make eye contact, stroke each other gently and smile while latched on together. Some of my fondest memories are of them latched on and copying each others' hand and arm movements.

One of the best things about tandem nursing was the ability to have two very active children in a room and yet have complete peace and silence! Additionally, there were the other usual benefits of nursing past infancy.

The main difficulty I experienced was a lack of understanding by others (including medical practitioners), on why I chose to tandem nurse. Some mistakenly believed that it might harm the foetus or deprive the baby. Others worried that I would not have enough milk for two, not understanding that our bodies produce the amount of milk that our babies need based on the 'supply = demand' rule. Older relatives are typically not supportive of tandem nursing, so it is important that we mothers are convinced and prepared to be patient with their well intended comments.

My biggest tip to mothers about to tandem nurse is to be careful with the newborn's positioning and latch. Since you have been nursing a toddler, caregivers and other people tend to leave you alone, assuming that you already know all about breastfeeding. But nursing a newborn is very different to nursing an older child, and mothers do 'forget' to pay close attention to the latch and sometimes encounter problems. Support is also important. Network with other like-minded parents. A supportive doctor helps, but is not essential. Of course, and as in all parenting matters, support from your husband is important.

To provide more support to tandem nursing or like-minded breastfeeding mothers, I started the Asian Tandem Nursing (ATNG) email group. ATNG is an offshoot of, and grew from, Singapore's own AsiaParents’ group. ATNG welcomes new members, but has strict membership guidelines, including the need for an 'in real life' introduction before joining, for the protection and comfort of members since some of the issues discussed can be quite personal.

I also started Four Trimesters (www.fourtrimesters.com), which provides a doula and breastfeeding counselling service. Four Trimesters also runs childbirth education and parenting classes to help parents achieve active, positive births and a good start to parenting.

When local company Mummysmilk (www.mummysmilk.com) produced its first breastfeeding calendar, my two children and I appeared in a photograph tandem nursing. I was very happy to have this opportunity to show to other parents that tandem nursing is as normal as having two (or more) children. This photograph was subsequently published in the US book "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" by Hilary Flower.

I have been called by various people 'supermum', 'earth mother' or 'militant breastfeeding mother' because of my enthusiasm toward breastfeeding - but I don't consider myself to be any of these. I simply try to do the best I can in respecting my children's needs, and understand this by putting myself in their shoes. I don't breastfeed because I want them to be smarter or healthier, or because I want to have a more bonded relationship with my children, although breastfeeding achieves all these ends. I breastfeed because it is normal and natural, just as nursing past infancy is. It is how we were designed to nurture our young. I breastfeed because it is every child's right to be breastfed, because it is the basis of a child's first and most fundamental of human relationships. Breastfeeding makes my life as a parent easier, which in turn means the whole family is happy. And what holds for breastfeeding holds equally for tandem nursing.

Note : This article first appeared in the August 2004 issue of Young Parents